Haha, I know. You all were probably thinking this was going to be about some crazy shenanigan, but it's not. It's about fear, fears that I've had recently, that are probably completely irrational.. but they come anyways. Some people (mostly other women) understand completely. Guys, though, have a hard time seeing it from a female perspective. But, before I get into that, I want to give you a little note from my doctor. This is mostly for any women that are pregnant and reading this.
So my hormones have been causing me to break out like crazy. I've struggled with acne issues since I was 13, but it's gotten even worse sense I got pregnant. I found a product that was working, but after doing some research on babycenter.com, I found that I couldn't use that product anymore because it contained Salicylic acid. It was said that Salicylic Acid was bad for the baby.
THAT IS NOT TRUE!
My doctor recommended that I try Head and Shoulders (the original). She said that usually helps. But if it didn't, I could still use the product I had been using before.
Her recommendation: Use it only once a day (unless you can use it less) and do not use it all over your body.
Then I asked her about IcyHot, or any product with menthol. I read on babycenter (in a blog) that someone's doctor had said menthol (if used on the skin) would enter her bloodstream and harm the baby. My doctor said there were no studies done that proved this was true, and also said that it HAS BEEN FOUND that topical creams don't usually harm a fetus. She did say, that as with any other medication, these creams should be used in moderation, but it wouldn't hurt.
Just another tidbit of information:
-calf cramps during pregnancy could be related to magnesium deficiencies.
OKAY SO ONTO THE MAIN TOPIC
My crazy, irrational fears.
I just want to say right now, that I'm one lucky lady. Though my pregnancy wasn't necessarily "planned" my fiance and I had decided that we wanted kids together, and he has been nothing but supportive since we found out.
But other women, they aren't that lucky. There are some men, who won't take responsibility for their actions, who want to believe no matter what that the baby a woman is carrying isn't theirs. They miss out on the first time hearing the heartbeat, on seeing the baby for the first time, of hearing the sex... And they just don't care. And it drives me insane, that someone could act like that...
But like I said.. I don't have to go through that. It just seems lately, that I fear that I'm going to lose people, more often than not. And that fear, is completely irrational, as the people have given no hint that they are even going anywhere.
For example: The other night I was driving home from my parents house. My fiance's gift had come in the mail (delivered to their house) and I had to pick it up. I Drive Your Truck by Lee Brice came on, and all I could think about was 'I don't know where I'd be with my dad.' And I cried, like broke down in sobs. My dad might be getting older, but he's still extremely healthy and I truly feel like the fear was irrational. But it was there. And yeah, I know, everyone has those moments... but I'm pretty sure my hormones kicked into gear because it takes a lot for me to drive down the street and randomly start sobbing.
So honey, if you were wondering... that's why I made you open your gift early. I needed to see your smile, and to have someone extremely happy, just to help brighten my mood.
I've also had a lot of nights where I worry about my fiance leaving me. He's never given any hint of being unhappy, but still.. I worry. Last night, I was watching Glee and they sang Beth by KISS... and I cried. Not sure why, but I did. I missed him, I wanted him home, and he had to work overnight. Like I told him... it's going to be a long week if I'm already crying, and he's only on day 2 of his 7 day (12-16 hours a day) work week.
Some of my fears aren't irrational though. But it still seems like some people don't understand them. I think the biggest fear comes for the health of my baby, and it's just amplified by everything I went through at the beginning of the pregnancy. I found out at the doctor that I wouldn't be able to receive another ultrasound until I'm 22 weeks along, and my last one.. I was only a little over 6 weeks. I was 10 weeks at the doctor's appointment and they tried to hear the heartbeat. They said it was early, and not to freak out.. but when you hear nothing, it's hard not to. I just feel as if I have no way of knowing if the baby is okay, and it petrifies me. I don't go back until January. I'll be 14 weeks along, almost 15. They said I'd be able to hear the heartbeat then. So I guess, all I can do is cross my fingers and hope for the best.
But anyways: I didn't get the message across that I really wanted to, but that's because I realized that I couldn't without displaying someone's personal information and I don't want to do that. So, hope the blog was satisfying.
I do have one more thing to say:
CONGRATULATIONS TO ONE MY BEST FRIENDS STEPHANIE AND HER BOY LANCE.
Baby Joshua is absolutely gorgeous!
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